Teach Your Kids How to Face Challenges
We all need to face challenges in life to grow, and kids are no different. We have all seen our kids struggle in the face of adversity, a challenge, something difficult. You can see it in their faces as they process the fact that they are not good at something, or something is too hard. These are the exact situations we want our kids in. Let them hang out in this land of discomfort, let them try and figure out what to do, let them learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable in order to work through the discomfort. If our kids never face challenges, if they are never uncomfortable, how will they be able to work through these situations when they get older and have no choice? If our kids do not face failure early, how will they know how to face it when they get older? In order to get better at something, we need practice. Create situations for your kids where they are likely to fail. Let them work through it, and help them learn how to deal with the feelings of being uncomfortable. I tried a fun concept with my kids that I learned from the book “Grit” by Angela Duckworth. She said we should always be working on something hard, something challenging. So I asked my sons what they wanted to do every day in order to get better at something. One son chose throwing and catching, and the other chose trying to spell hard words. We put it on the calendar every day for a month and crossed it off when they completed their hard thing for the day. We didn’t remember every day, and that is okay. The important thing is creating these ideas, trying them out more and more, and making it a normal part of our children’s lives. Doing hard things should be something they WANT to do in order to grow. Our job as adults is to nurture their interests and help them face challenges so they will be able to face challenges head on for the rest of their lives.
Do Hard Things, Accept the Discomfort
Timing: 1-10 minutes. Whatever you can make happen!
Level of Difficulty: By definition, hard.
Serving Size: Start with a short amount of time to create a consistent habit to fit it in most days
Spice Level: Spicy – by design
INGREDIENTS
Just you and a challenge
REASONING AND BENEFITS
Just as failure is a requisite ingredient for growth and improvement, hardship and discomfort play an important role as well. Doing things that at first you may be hesitant or apprehensive to do is surprisingly good for you. As Michael Easter puts it in ‘The Comfort Crisis’ - “a radical new body of evidence shows that people are at their best—physically harder, mentally tougher, and spiritually sounder—after experiencing the same discomforts our early ancestors were exposed to every day. Scientists are finding that certain discomforts protect us from physical and psychological problems like obesity, heart disease, cancers, diabetes, depression, and anxiety, and even more fundamental issues like feeling a lack of meaning and purpose.”
We’re not suggesting reverting back to stone tools and living in the forest, although that would probably be fun, but trying to highlight the importance of not giving in to things you find tough. In today’s age we are naturally faced with fewer challenges, so you may have to seek them out. Even overcoming small obstacles triggers growth and confidence, and signals to us that we can accomplish things that are challenging.
INSTRUCTIONS
Think of things you typically don’t like to do, for some people this is exercise, but it could be cold water exposure, social interaction, reading that book that’s been on your list for years, or learning a new skill.
Force yourself to do it once a week.
If it starts to become less challenging for you try doing it twice a week, or for longer, or add in something else that is difficult.
Let yourself enjoy the feeling of the struggle.
Don’t get discouraged. If you find yourself still avoiding difficult things, that is okay, but don’t give up, it will be that much more rewarding when you finally do the hard things.
PRO TIP: Doing the hard things that you do not want to do is where you will experience the most growth in your will and drive to do things. There is an area in your brain called the anterior midcingulate cortex that will literally grow as you do hard things that you do not want to do. The more it grows, the more will and drive you will have. Scientists are learning that this may even increase your will to live as you grow older. That is the science that we absolutely love. (Huberman, ep 157)
* Don’t do things that are unsafe.
** To help overcome the first difficult challenges you’ve set yourself, have a friend join in and support you through it.
*** Start expanding these activities outside your initial list.
Sources:
Easter, M. (2021). The comfort crisis: Embrace Discomfort To Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self. Rodale Books.
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Simon and Schuster.
